I went out and about today. The nice weather was threatening to come to an end and I thought I should suck up as much Vitamin D as possible. My wandering took me to Balham and down to Clapham Junction.
I still find it fascinating to see what is missed by those at work in an office between nine and six. For instance those of you with wives who can’t work because they’re looking after young children – have you ever asked them what they actually do? Let me assist. They all sit with their equally baby obsessed friends in coffee shops, parks, wine bars – basically anywhere they can buy drinks – and talk to each other. Not the children, they don’t talk to them. No, they just make noise and run around a bit.
Now to any reasonable person this is fairly obvious, it’s just a scam to get out of working for a while. I just wonder if this is really in the best interests of the child. We all remember being small and our parents making us sit with them while they talked to friends. It was boring right? The whole world is out there and they’ve chosen to sit outside Starbucks near Clapham Junction.
Why aren’t they doing something useful instead? I’m not suggesting sending them up chimneys or carrying water for five miles, but really, every now and then it does strike me that we would have far fewer stupid kids if they weren’t brought up listening to vacuous conversations about shoes and affairs instead of being stimulated and educated.
Would it be expensive? Needn’t be, all those mothers could go back to work once the child reached two years old and the children themselves can all go to nurseries full time from then. Group childcare is much cheaper than doing it individually. The only ones who would lose out would be the coffee shops and their staff could man the creches.
I could be wrong of course, maybe I’m painting a horribly cynical picture of it all, but really try getting a table anywhere between ten and eleven in the morning anywhere in Clapham. Then try and hear what anyone is saying above the screaming. This is probably why everyone else gets jobs.
Some people may query the impact this could all have on a child’s emotional well-being. I like to think of children as being a slightly inferior version of puppies (puppies are cuter). It is perfectly acceptable to remove a puppy from it’s mother at eight weeks. They cry for a couple of nights and then they’re perfectly happy and a welcome addition to their new family. Perhaps I’m being generous to advocate leaving a child under the constant care of its mother for up to two years? Most children are emotionally crippled psychopaths by the age of six anyway. That’s under the current coffee morning regime. Why not give mine a chance?
If it doesn’t work then we’ve lost a generation, but at least I’ll be able to get a table outside Starbucks.
Ouch. How many days off the booze?
Three. Is it that obvious?