Hello, it’s been a while.
A lot has gone on since the heady days of Cress. I’ve got a new job, a new flat and a new Ferrari. Okay, not a Ferrari, but the rest is near enough.
Anyway, I’ve been receiving thirty to forty letters a week, hundreds of emails and countless tweets asking me what my top 1000 brands are. Now, I’m a busy man, so I can’t list all 1000, but I’ll try and give you my top 100 and hopefully that will give you some help in your day to day lives.
I’ve tried to separate them into categories, in the hope that’ll simplify things. I’ll try to offer a little feedback as to my reasons for selecting each brand. If you represent a brand and recognise that you are virtually nothing without my support then please email me (email@example.com) with details of the package you’ll be sending me in the hope of inclusion in my next list.
Just like when the Sunday Times do this sort of thing, a lot of it is without any real foundation or research, so please bear that in mind. Here’s my first 20.
I get my clothes from the following approved suppliers;
- Hugo Boss – Great jeans, slightly inferior underwear but GREAT JEANS.
- Mango – Nice selection of shirts, good fit, dependable, excellent online sale prices.
- Zara – Wacky, but available in all of continental Europe (I’ve been to the Seville store TWICE).
- GAP – never buy full price in there, but the bi-weekly sale can be a joy.
- French Connection – Occasionally produce a world-class jumper.
- Top Man – most of you are too fat/old to wear their stuff. Starve yourselves. They supply my swimming trunks.
- John Lewis – Good quality own brand stuff without descending into the disaster that is M&S. Never knowingly undersold. Good at meaningless slogans.
That’s it for clothing. Things don’t have to be in tens. I’m not a robot.
- Ardbeg (New entry) – knocks my tits off but makes me feel dead mysterious.
- Laphroaig – like medicine but in a healthy, boozy form. Looks good in a decanter.
- Negroni (Campari, Dubonnet, Bombay Saphire) – sweet, majestic beauty. Two will make you feel like you’ve been hit by a bus.
- Berry Bros New Zealand Pinot Noir – like dancing in a field of strawberries, dressed in only a crown.
- Peroni – fizzy, refreshing and completely legal to drink in pubs.
- Sauvignon Blanc (Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference Bordeaux 2014)- Gooseberry tingle clears the pallet when enjoying a quality curry.
- Pret – How do they do it? This is the creamiest, most gorgeous thing I have ever tasted.
- Flahavan’s Porridge Oats – Creamy, even without soaking.
- Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference Jumbo Porridge Oats – A solid performer.
- Oatso Simple – Got me into porridge, but very much a gateway drug. No more.
- Pret Strong Skinny Latte – Removes a hangover, strengthens the loins, Dragon fuel.
- Nespresso (all types) – What else?
- Filter coffee (Taylor’s Hot Lava Java) – Good for large quantities and powerful highs.