Cress 2013 – The Rules

Below are the rules for Cress 2013.

Cress Packs will be sent out early next week. The judging panel will be announced here shortly.

  1. The judges’ decision on all matters will be final.
  2. The competition is entirely self-funded. Any entrants who attempt to make a donation towards costs will be seen as committing bribery and immediately disqualified.
  3. The competition is not being run to assist any charity. This will be a tough and at times, mean-spirited event. By the end, no charity will want to be associated with it. Any entrant suggesting that donations could be made towards any charity will be disqualified immediately.
  4. Each competitor will receive their own “Cress Pack”. Each Cress Pack will contain a pre-measured amount of cress in one of those little plastic bags that drug dealers sell cannabis in. None of the plastic bags sent out in the Cress Packs will contain Cannabis.
  5. Due to meddling customs officials, Cress Packs sent overseas will arrive complete with a commercially wrapped packet of cress. It’s a bit more expensive for me and maybe next time these entrants should consider not living overseas. Entrants receiving these packs will receive additional guidance on how much cress they should be planting.
  6. Anybody complaining about any aspect of the organisation of the competition will be disqualified immediately.
  7. All cress must be grown in a saucer.
  8. Anyone without a saucer will be disqualified immediately (what sort of animals are you?).
  9. Any entrant who uses a growing vessel other than a saucer will be disqualified immediately.
  10. Cotton wool is the usual base for growing cress. This year however, experimentation is encouraged.
  11. On the first day of the competition (to be announced when we are satisfied that the majority of Cress Packs have been received a code word will be released on Twitter. Entrants must take a photograph of their cress seeds in the saucer alongside the code word written on a piece of paper. This ensures that no entrants will be able to get a head start. All photographs must be posted using the hashtag #Cress2013.
  12. Anyone failing to use the hashtag #Cress2013 when posting photos will be disqualified. The reason for the hashtag is to allow those without any interest in Cress (the majority of decent, normal people) to mute tweets about it from their timelines.
  13. Anyone misspelling the codeword will be disqualified.
  14. On day 4 of the competition a further code word will be issued. Entrants must again take a photograph of their cress alongside the codeword using the hashtag #Cress2013. Failure to do so will result in disqualification.
  15. On day 8 of the competition a final codeword will be issued. Again a photograph must be taken and tweeted using the hashtag #Cress2013. This will be your entry to go before the judges. A metal tape measure must be placed next to the cress so height can be assessed.
  16. During the competition anyone sending unsolicited pictures of cress to any of the judges will be disqualified. Nobody has any interest in cress.
  17. Anyone mentioning that their children are growing cress will be disqualified. They are not eligible for the competition.
  18. In contrast to the previous competition experimentation with growing techniques will be encouraged. Feel free to use hydroponic systems and advanced nutritional methods.
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