Cress 2013 Judging Panel

In light of this year’s complicated rule structure a dedicated and ruthless panel have been put together to oversee the final decision.

Further to earlier editions of this post there is now a woman judge. Truly, we are in 2013.

Tiahowler Jon Von Biltawülf (@Biltawulf)

Biltawulf ran his first cress competition in 2011. He organised it after a night out in a pub where he promised someone (he can’t remember who) that he would do it (he can’t remember why). What he anticipated would be an amusing light-hearted competition turned into the most stressful two weeks of his life, dealing with simpletons unable to follow the most basic of rules. He swore never to undertake such a challenge again. Happily he is not a man of his word.

Dr Adam Kay (@amateuradam)

Adam is a comedy writer and lifelong cress enthusiast. He first grew cress at the age of 5 at a nursery in Dulwich, and has been hooked ever since – growing cress every 26 years since then. He is an extremely judgemental person, and was therefore the natural choice for the role of judge.

Peredur ap Gwynedd (@Perryguitar666)

Perry is a guitarist with the drum and bass group Pendulum and has headlined with them at Bestival as well as making appearances at Glastonbury and Download. He has previously worked with Natalie Imbruglia, Norman Cook, Tinie Tempah and Sophie Ellis Bextor. Despite having appeared as a judge on the Welsh talent show  “Waw Ffactor”, he was utterly confused by the invitation to join the panel of judges and said yes in a moment of blind panic.

Danny Wallace (@dannywallace)

Danny is a filmmaker, comedian, writer, actor and presenter. His 2005 book “Yes Man” was turned into a major Hollywood movie starring Jim Carrey. He has a weekly column in Shortlist Magazine. His Wikipedia entry reads like he is a man who has done everything. Yet Danny has never been a judge in an international cress competition. He is looking forward immensely to remedying this failure.

Gary Bainbridge (@Gary_Bainbridge)

Gary is a writer and columnist for the Liverpool Daily Post. He is also the author of the commercially acclaimed book “The Man With The Complicated Voucher” and has just released his latest epic “A Snid of Milk”. Gary is ambivalent about judging cress and senses it’ll be just another enormous waste of his time.

Vivienne Clore (@Vivienneclore)

Vivienne is an established talent agent (Jo Brand, Rufus Hound, Bridget Christie and Susan Calman to name but a few) of many decades standing (and many more sitting) due in part to a fondness for sprouting and nurturing seeds. She loved to grow cress as a child and many were the sodden layers of tissues discarded after a successful growth spurt.  She says that in honour of being asked to judge this cress growing flashmob , she has changed her Twitter name to Cressida Clore.  Bizarrely she also claims that she will be the best judge “cos let’s face it I’m the only woman”. She expects to obtain the exclusive agenting rights to the winning cress.

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