Cress 2016 – The Judges

These are the people who are going to look carefully at your work and sort the wheat from the chaff. They’re all highly skilled Cress experts (Crexperts?) with little time for frivolity or nonsense. It’s up to you to impress them. Together they will try and interpret the rules and apply them fairly. This hasn’t really worked in the past.

 

Konnie Huq (@Konnie_Huq)

Konnie probably needs no introduction, but that would be both lazy on my part and unhelpful for some of our international competitors. She was the longest serving female Blue Peter presenter (True! Even Wikipedia confirms it) and accordingly there is probably no one better qualified to judge cress. It doesn’t stop there though, as a panellist she has appeared on 8 out of 10 Cats, Would I Lie to You?, The Wright Stuff and I’m a Celebrity. She’s reported for The Daily Politics, This Week and Daybreak and she’s appeared as a guest on This Morning and Sunday Brunch. This is her first international cress competition.

 

Dr Adam Kay (@amateuradam)

Adam is a comedy writer, musical comedian and presenter. After the conclusion of the 2013 Cress competition Adam fell apart, both metaphorically and physically. He describes the lack of competitive cress growing as leaving an inexplicable emptiness in his life. He managed to keep his spirits up by selling out a series of shows at the Edinburgh Festival, having his own BBC series while script editing a dozen others and performing at Prince Harry’s 30th birthday party. He’s grateful for the opportunity to get his life back on track with Cress 2016.

 

Peredur ap Gwynedd (@Perryguitar666)

Perry is a guitarist with the drum and bass group Pendulum and has headlined with them at Bestival as well as making appearances at Glastonbury and Download. He has previously worked with Natalie Imbruglia, Norman Cook, Tinie Tempah and Sophie Ellis Bextor. Not content with that he is a keen cyclist and commentates on the Tour de France for S4C. He is a busy and successful man and cannot comprehend why he keeps coming back to judge cress competitions.

 

Vivienne Clore (@Vivienneclore)

Vivienne is one of the country’s leading talent agents (clients include Jo Brand, Rufus Hound, Bridget Christie and Susan Calman). She can ill-afford to mess about with “ridiculous competitions that waste my time, my clients time and precious space on the internet. Please stop calling and emailing me. I’ll inform the police if this continues.” This is her second appearance as a cress judge.

 

Gary Bainbridge (@Gary_Bainbridge)

Gary Bainbridge is a writer and columnist for regional newspapers including the Liverpool Echo, Newcastle Chronicle, Birmingham Mail, North Wales Daily Post, and South Wales Echo. He writes things for television sometimes. Gary is variously described by his friends as “Britain’s unluckiest man” and “a tragedy”. Being based in Liverpool, Gary attempted to take part in the judging on the last occasion by videolink. It didn’t work. This time he’ll be making the effort to travel to London.

 

Tiahowler Jon Von Biltawülf (@Biltawulf)

Biltawulf ran his first cress competition in 2011. He organised it after a night out in a pub where he promised someone (he can’t remember who) that he would do it (he can’t remember why). What he anticipated would be an amusing light-hearted competition turned into the most stressful two weeks of his life, dealing with simpletons unable to follow the most basic of rules. He swore never to undertake such a challenge again. Happily he is not a man of his word. This is his third cress competition.

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