Judgement Day

It is here. What a week and a bit that’s been. I’ll be honest, I made a few mistakes when planning this. First off, I shouldn’t have done it to coincide with a week of seven shifts in a row at work, and secondly, I shouldn’t have trusted the Royal Mail. Thirdly, it was a bad idea to send cress internationally (most of it got there, but late) and fourthly I shouldn’t have let most of the competitors take part.

Positives, well, after 5 years of trying I think I’ve finally mastered Mail Merge. I’ve got filling little drug bags with brown substances down to a fine art (is there a way to monetarise this?) and oh yeah, we’ve raised an awful lot of money for Children in Need (£2740.28 at the time of writing). I’ve been blocked by more people on Twitter than I ever knew existed (good and bad?) and I’ve become far more attractive as a human being [Check: is there any basis for this?].

So now we have to judge and cleverly I arranged for this to take place in a pub, The George Inn by London Bridge. It was built in 1676 and a National Trust property, so I thought this would be an ideal venue. Of course, what I failed to take into account was that pubs built in 1676 didn’t figure electric lighting into their plans and it’s really, really dark (I’m typing this just before the other judges get here (it’s 2:45pm) and it’s INCREDIBLY dark. This may need a rethink.


It’s now a couple of hours later and the judging is over.

We narrowed the pictures down to the ones that had actually grown cress (sorry) and then to ones that had actually piqued our interest.

This took us to 80 entries and we went through them cold as a group, removing any we didn’t think were worthy. We were left with around 20 potential winners. From there we chose five each.

Here, in no particular order, are the entries the judges selected for their top fives.


  1. @Deucephine


  1. @CapnBobFrapplesfullsizeoutput_1b23


  1. @CamiKnickersScreen Shot 2016-12-04 at 15.06.22.png


  1. @TrevorNealscreen-shot-2016-12-04-at-15-39-32


  1. @mmcevoyscreen-shot-2016-12-04-at-13-28-11


  1. @iamjulietpapascreen-shot-2016-12-04-at-13-41-21



  1. @Gin_Giniescreen-shot-2016-12-04-at-13-44-05


  1. @elwooksterfullsizeoutput_1b7f


  1. @Biggreenbooksfullsizeoutput_1b7c


  1. @MittenDAmourscreen-shot-2016-12-04-at-14-55-11


We also had to consider the Nerd Competition winner. We did. The winner had kept strictly to the rules, prepared a poem and got an awful lot of retweets for Children in Need.


I’m now home. I know the results. I guess you should too.


Let’s start with the celebrity competition.


The judges spent an awful lot of time thinking about this, though the winner was obvious. As ever, there was some disappointment at the standard of the entries. Still though, here are the results;

(1) @TrevorNeal (Winner)


(2) @LesDennis and @Simonmhickson (Joint second)


(4)   No deserving entrant

(5)  @HalsburysLaws


(6)   No deserving entrant

(7)   No deserving entrant

(8)   No deserving entrant

(9)   No deserving entrant

(10) @driverminnie



As ever the judges were baffled by Miss Driver’s entry, but nevertheless wish to encourage her to continue, if only to improve morale for other entrants.


So, to the main competition. In reverse order;

In fourth place was Michael McEvoy (@mmcevoy) with his beautiful image of Cliff Richard’s chest.



In joint second place were @deucephine and @camiknickers, both with pieces that the judges unanimously enjoyed.




The overall winner of Cress 2016 is a man who honestly does not deserve this. He has tried to subvert and sabotage the competition throughout, yet I am bound by the majority verdict of my comrade judges. I am therefore obliged to announce the winner of Cress 2016 to be @CapnBobFrapples. Democracy is a terrible thing.



Well done, Capn.


The Nerd award was hard fought and a number of you did astonishingly well, not only in actually keeping to the rules, but also in producing pictures and poetry. It is particularly nice, in running an International Cress Growing Competition, to be able to announce the winner as an actual foreigner. So well done, @MgniM.


There were a couple of special mentions from the judges – we all laughed a lot at the entry from @Elwoolster and irritatingly, we were all impressed by @CapnBobfrapples second entry – the dartboard. I would have disqualified him if it were up to me. I’m furious.


Otherwise, that’s it, thank you for doing this, we raised an awful lot of money (you can add a final bit here http://www.justgiving.com/Cress2016 ) and I completely PROMISE that we won’t do it again before 2019.

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